Will you blow on my dice?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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