College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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