I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
