just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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