I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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