Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She even gives head with a lisp.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
