I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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