sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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