The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
