New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize