somebody snuck up and got me drunk
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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