It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
