how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
