I think scott just propositioned me for sex
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
