I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
