i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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