at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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