Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
id be glad to
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
