now i know why i became what i already was.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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