my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
