i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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