final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
