In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
then he tried to convert me to islam
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
