More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
