I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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