ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
