Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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