I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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