when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
no you cant smoke seaweed
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
