so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
there was a trapeze. enough said
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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