Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
