I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
