I smell stomach acid.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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