She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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