so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
