dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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