If that was your dad, he is hot
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
