yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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