In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
