She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
