As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
