Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
