We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
