if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
