Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
