god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize