That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize