i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
