the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
