I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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