Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize