my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
