just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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