Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
