dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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