He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
