i already hear my dad disowning me
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
