It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
