Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
