Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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