Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
