Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
