i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
