I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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