my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
