So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
