I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
