i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
