I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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