I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
