I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
