I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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