you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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